What happened?
Well, The week of Thanksgiving was going pretty well. Things were pretty rocky since I began my financial "free-fall" since I hadn't found any solid work yet and my unemployment ran out. However, things felt fairly hopeful as it seemed prospects were coming.
We'd been planning on going down to Stockton the day after Thanksgiving to spend time with my Uncle and his family. We rarely get to see family and we're actually not all that far apart from each other (about 8 hours). I also figured this would be a good opportunity to drive a little further to San Fransisco and check out a few of my friends who'd recently moved down for new game gigs and do a bit of "networking" and see if maybe I can dig up an opportunity or two. Things almost got cancelled when the whole unemployment thing ended, but I decided to press on because I didn't wanna let my Uncle down. He was really looking forward to seeing us and Zu and I really needed to get away, even if for just a brief weekend.
We rolled out and I tried to handle Thanksgiving the best I could. Sure, I didn't eat the best Thanksgiving day, but I sure as hell did a lot better than last year. I was kinda halfway caught between being proud of myself for doing only 1 trip through with no real seconds, but still a little down on myself for going for some of the old bad comfort foods. I guess all in all, it wasn't all that bad. That could've been the end of the story...
We headed down to Cali, and it was a pretty beautiful drive. We were worried about show in the passes, but it turned out clear and awesome on the way down.
This is where things started to get "tough". Now if it's one thing my family loves to do... well any family for that matter... it's eat. My uncle and his wife are so awesome and they're amazing hosts, but for a guy that's basically a recovering "food-a-holic", it was like lighting a book of matches in a powder keg. I tried to keep things under control for the weekend. I definitely upheld my P90X routines while I was there. I guess in the end, it wasn't all that horrible.Things fell apart when I got back. See, the following week was supposed to be my Week 3. I spent Monday and Tues driving all over San Fransisco and the surrounding towns catching friends and doing things and we didn't get back home until super late tuesday night. I figured I'd already offset my schedule for P90X that week too much so I'd just make it a free-for-all week and just mix it up with random routines while I resume my schedule the following week...
...yeah... that never happened.
I can't particularly say what had me stuck, but I just couldn't bring myself to start or follow through with a workout that week. It took it's toll on my body. I could feel what the inaction was doing to me. Allowing myself to basically backslide like that. It was pretty terrible. It came to a head Monday morning when I got on the scale and it read 249.8lbs... Thanksgiving morning it had read 235. Yeah, I was not feeling happy. To exacerbate this issue, one of the companies I've been doing a bunch of sound work for has yet to pay me a single cent and it's been months. Also, I'd just been turned down for the one job prospect I really thought I had nearly in the bag. I was low... Hell, I am low... Last week was like a crippling punch in the gut, and this week started with a secondary kick while I was still down.
I have to say, this was one of the hardest P90X weeks I've had. I couldn't make it all the way through Chest and Back on Monday. It was so tough. I'm actually still sore from Tuesday's Plyo but I at least pushed through the entirety of the other routines. I'm recovering and I'm starting to get back on track, but this feeling I've got right now. Just down in the dumps. It's taking it's toll.
One of the worst combinations is food and emotions. One of the lines that stuck with me the most from watching the documentary Hungry for Change, came from Dr. Christiane Northrup and it was simply "If you're upset, don't eat". The body senses all manner of stress, and it's typical reaction to stress is to gain weight and store fat. I was pretty damned stressed these last couple weeks so I get the near 15lb gain. I've come down some and I'm working my way back, but as long as I'm feeling like this, it's just a harder, uphill battle.
Today hit me pretty hard since I went to go have lunch and hang with friends and everybody's got new jobs. Many of them just got hooked up at this place I was really hoping to be so that certainly knocked me down some more. Oh well, I'm glad they're all doing better though. Things will have to turn around for me eventually right? Not sure how much more "falling" I can endure heh.
Well, I can't control a lot of what's going on that's getting me down, but I do know what I can control. That's P90X! I just gotta keep pressing play. Cool thing about working out, is at least it helps elevate the mood some. I'm taking my rest day today. I'm gonna finish my weekend up strong with Legs & Back and Kenpo X. Maybe I can kick and punch some of my troubles away and elevate my mood for the first recovery week of round 2!!
okay... done whining for the moment. Catch you next time!!
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